Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
