She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
