If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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