Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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