hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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