Please, let me fuck your mom
I looked at my own cervix.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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