I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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