But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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