if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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