these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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