Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
