Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
