im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
