I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
