the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
