Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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