I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
