So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
