i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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