My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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