She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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