question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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