i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
