jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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