I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
