its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
