A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
