If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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