I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
