She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
