Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize