So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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