Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
FUCK WHALES
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
