Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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