Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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