I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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