i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
