If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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