well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
