You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize