My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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