Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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