I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can I color on your dick again?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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