He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
