I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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