porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize