Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
