Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's official drugs can't kill me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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