I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we made out on top of his cat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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