Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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