You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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