WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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