haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
