This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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