How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
