my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
