I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
