the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
