I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
