The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
