"it" just moved
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
