I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
