my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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