i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
