Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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