You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You ruined the universe
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
