Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
