I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
